We left church but not God”, “I like their Christ but not their Christianity” are some of the common phrases used by many of Christians who in one way or the other have been injured by the so-called brethren in Christ. These injuries may often result from unmet expectations, feeling judged and condemned, isolation, broken trust and even broken friendships or relationships with a fellow church mate/ Christian.
We need to understand that Christians are still normal human beings with special ability of the Holy Spirit, so making mistakes is not an exception and the mistake may hurt you in a way or the other. I do understand that even in the confines of the church, born again people can hurt us and fracture our hearts but this should not push us out of the church but instead push us into Jesus and his love.
Well, troubled and hurt brother or sister, If Jesus chose to carry the hurt caused by those around Him what do you think would be our story? what did Jesus choose to do?Those that hurt Him were the so called saints of that time. How did He deal with them? Let us look at the scripture;
Colossians 3:13-14
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
We need to understand that church hurt doesn’t invalidate the overall value of the faith and the principles that were left by Christ. In other words, it doesn’t make every Church ‘hell’. This is so helpful to build a broken trust and establishing new church relationships.
First, Christ left us a commandment to forgive others as a prerequisite for us to be forgiven by God. Sometimes we just forgive not because the wrong doer has asked for forgiveness but because it’s God’s desire and also it Gives us enough peace. Healing from church hurt is a personal and intentional journey and it involves forgiving those who caused the harm.
It also involves seeking professional help in extreme cases where a therapist would come in handy to help you out of the pain and agony caused. It is of importance that the therapist should be of the same faith.
Healing from church hurt can also be done by separating completely or taking a break from the hurting group or church if the hurting is always being repeated and finding another place that God will lead you so us to avoid the wound from growing worse.
Personal development and growth are of valueless help to get over a hurting process. It helps you focus on yourself and ensure if happens again impact is so minimized and reduced to the least effect. Spiritual health is the most crucial part of life of any believer hence spiritual growth will play the biggest help in the whole process of healing from church trauma.
Reconciliation with the specific individuals who the drift came with is again priceless. Reconciliation fosters genuine repentance from the offenders. It should be done with a third party who is neutral but a spiritual leader or even a sound believer who will show the council of God in the whole scenario. At this point let us refresh our mind and renew it with what the Word says;
Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV)“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church…”
Above all, the help of the spirit is all that matters in helping one to heal from not only church hurt but any wound. He is ever close in distress, pain and even in best life moments. He stays closer than a brother. You have a wound so deep that you feel it’s too deep for you to forgive,allow the Holy Spirit to help you heal. Give up trying to heal by yourself.He knows you are hurting and He is so ready to help you heal. surrender the hurt heart and let Him do a heart surgery. Quitting church is not the option. Quit the stony wounded heart and let God teach you to forgive and love. He is the best reconciler who needs no certificate in reconciliation.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
If being hurt by the church makes you loose your faith in God then your faith was in people but not God. This is food for thought. I will leave you to ponder on this quote ;
“Church hurt is one of the most difficult wounds to heal, but you must remember that the church is full of broken people trying to be whole. Healing begins when you stop expecting perfection from people and start looking for grace from God.”( T.D JAKES)